Today’s episode starts with Kiki asleep at the Midnight Society’s meeting place, because her aunt who snores is in town and it’s prevented her from getting any sleep for the last few days. This has of course inspired her to write a story, though sadly it’s not about some sore of snoring monster. She tosses some itching powder onto the fire and begins. Submitted for the approval of The Midnight Society, she calls this story…
We meet Jeff and Perch, best friends who decided to form a band despite their different tastes in music. See if you can guess which one sounds like a friend of Keanu Reeves, and says “Unpukingbelivable”
But on this night, it’s not about music. Jeff is going to use his dad’s satellites to steal a wrestling Pay Per View. Jeff’s dad is a researcher who works with satellites, it’s sort of implied that his job involves something with deep space, but apparently it’s also good for pirating PPVs, so hooray.
We learn Jeff’s Dad is working on something called “The Peabody Project” and it’s got to do with deep space communication. We also learn his last name is Sherman. Hmm…Sherman and Peabody?
Jeff’s brother comes downstairs and Jeff has to leave to go and make sure he doesn’t snitch on them for messing with their dad’s computers. He leaves Perch with the computers, and of course Perch decides to start messing around with the Peabody Project.
Perch inputs some random coordinates and then is prompted to enter a message. Here I expect him to type something like “whoa” or “dude”, but he instead plays a few notes on a keyboard that sounds a little like the theme to The X-Files. The truth is out there, dude. Perch’s mind is like totally blown when it says that the message has been received and a message is sent back. Jeff gets all upset with him, but there’s not much time to argue as Jeff’s parents come home. They turn everything off just in time, and it looks like everything will be a-okay. Until later that night when their dog, Montana is awoken by strange lights outside and goes to investigate, only to be trapped under some strange glowing spider web type thing.
The next night, Jeff, Perch and Jeff’s brother all go out in search of Montana Scratch that, Jeff’s brother gets to stay in the yard and play tee ball.
Unfortunately, Jeff’s brother soon knocks the ball into the woods and when he goes to retrieve it, he ends up backing into a giant glowing spider web type thing. Then he screams while someone approaches him. I’m going to guess it’s Disco Spider Man.
Elsewhere, Jeff and Perch are still searching for Montana when they hear strange noises in the woods. This is followed by some Predator-esque voice mimicking, but we’re not lucky enough to have that followed by some Predator-esque brutal murders. Instead they find this strange metal door, which looks just slightly out of place in the forest.
After some careful investigation, they run away and try to find Jeff’s brother, but failing at that, they go back to look at Mr. Sherman’s computers. It’s there that they learn whatever sent Perch a message last night has been moving closer and closer to Earth, sending messages along the way, and now it’s arrived on the planet.
Perch leaves to go look for Jeff’s brother, while he calls his dad. Splitting up turns out to be a horrible idea however, as Perch finds himself caught in one of the glowing spider webs and is soon taken away, just like Montana and Jeff’s brother.
Jeff finds the web, minus Perch and heads off to the woods to rescue his friend. He arms himself with a stick along the way, because everyone knows aliens fear wood.
Jeff returns to the strange metal door in the forest and enters it, finding himself aboard an alien spacecraft. An alien spacecraft who’s only distinguishing feature is three tubes containing Montana, Jeff’s Brother and Perch.
Jeff’s brother is unresponsive, but Perch tells Jeff that they do everything in tones and he needs to play a D Sharp to open the tubes. Jeff runs home, records a D sharp on his sweet boom box, and quickly returns to the ship, freeing his friends. They exit the ship, but find themselves surrounded by glowing spider webs. After an intense flash of light, the webs disappear and they boys come face to face with their alien captors.
It turns out the larger one is the mother of the little one. The little one came to Earth because the song Perch sent into space translated into “We are toys” in the aliens language. The little alien just came to Earth to play with toys. But as Perch explains, the boys are not toys, they are people.
The aliens leave, with the mother asking the boys not to think badly of her son. I guess the aliens are really sensitive about how they’re perceived. Jeff’s dad doesn’t get mad at the boys, because he’s happy The Peabody Project worked, and Jeff and Perch write a really, really horrible song about the whole experience, then send it out to the aliens in space. I can’t emphasize how bad the song is, you should really go listen to it, it’s towards the end of part 3. The only lyrics are “we are not toys.” I wish I were making that up.
I decided to get off the ghost trend that’s been in the last several reviews and move back to absurd aliens, which really seem to be the only kind of aliens that frequent the Are You Afraid of the Dark? universe. At least these ones look like aliens, unlike the Closet Keepers from last week. This is one of those episodes that has aged poorly, mostly due to Perch, who spends the entire episode acting like he’s gunning for a spot in The Wild Stallions. Jeff is also just a strange looking human to me, I’m not sure why. But I give the episode credit for having some nice effects, even though I’m sure the aliens were made to be so bright to keep them from looking atrocious. It’s no the best episode by far, but it’s fun, and they build suspense well by not revealing the alien until the very end. Unfortunately the air goes out of the episode after the reveal. But we get a really horrible song out of the deal, so I guess it’s all worth it in the end.
Really though, it’s not. That song is dogshit.