Lets get right back into it. If you want a recap, read yesterday’s review, or watch the first few minutes of Part 1 of this episode, where Gary and Frank go over what happened so far. Frank tosses some of that magic sand that doesn’t get wet that you see on infomercials sometimes onto the fire and they begin. Submitted for the approval of The Midnight Society, they call this story…
We start with Rush back at Sardo’s shop, threatening to call the cops if he doesn’t tell him what’s going on. He also appears to be threatening him the spyglass, I’m sure Sardo is very intimidated.
Sardo claims he doesn’t know much more than Rush, but he gives him the business card of someone who does…
And so Rush heads off to the barber shop to find out who’s behind all this. It’s a barber shop that looks like it’s inside of an old castle and there’s a homeless person outside. Wonderful. As for who runs this barber shop? Why it’s an old friend of ours…
Apparently the good doctor is in the hair care business now, but his custom hair tonics aren’t selling well. Vink knows all about what has happened to Max, and agrees to help Rush find him, so long as Rush understands that he’s not a nutbag. Someone is just a tad insecure.
Right so, Jonas Cutter was a cook on a ship, then lead a bloody mutiny and took over. He gave himself the name Cutter because he liked the damage a sword could do to someone, and Jonas Stabby Stab Stab sounded like a stupid name. Rush is excited by this news and suggests they go to the police, still not understanding this whole “he’s a fucking ghost” concept.
Vink explains that the chest Rush opened was from the only man who tried to stand up to Cutter. Even though he died, he said that one day a champion would come along that could defeat the evil Captain. Although it would seem time did a fine job of defeating him. Vink tells Rush, who’s full name we learn is Russell Ian Keegan, that the trunk belonged to his ancestor. Don’t believe me?
Rush reluctantly accepts what Vink says is his destiny. Immediately after that and without any explanation, they arrive at the cemetery Rush kept seeing in the spyglass. Two part episode and you can’t even take the time explain where this cemetery is located? For shame.
Rush realizes the cemetery is just like the one in his dream and…wait. Really? He didn’t figure this out when he looked through the spyglass and literally saw into his dream. He couldn’t put it together then that the cemetery he kept seeing in the spyglass would turn out to be the one from his dream? Is this kid fucking remedial or something? Anyways, then his ghost ancestor Ian Keegan shows up too. Hey Rush, it’s just like in your dream too! Moron.
Rush enters the mausoleum, which is also just like the one from his dream, and finds a skeleton, then falls into a bit. What follows is some Indiana Jones style boobytraps, which somehow Rush manages not to get killed by. Unfortunately. Rush encounters Cutter’s crazy pirate helper, and the dagger he was given lights up and fires a ball of energy, killing the pirate. Seriously.
Rush next finds what appears to be Cutter’s Treasure Room, but I assume we’re all supposed to be interested in the fact that Max is in a cage in it as well. Rush certainly is.
After some touching brother bonding, Jonas Cutter finally appears. Jonas Cutter is delightfully insane. Rush attempts to reason with him, but Cutter is only interested in yelling at him and making wonderful crazy guy faces. It’s worth a look.
We’re then treated to a really lame fight scene between Rush and Cutter. It showcases how horrible a pirate Jonas Cutter really is, as any self respecting pirate would have had a pistol and shut Rush immediately. Then we could have all gone home happy!
Meanwhile, Dr. Vink has snuck in and advises Rush to use the dagger. Cutter however simply kicks it out of his hand and Rush begins whining. Cutter implores him to get up so that he can have the grand battle he’s been waiting for, but Rush just continues to whine like a little bitch. While this is going on however, Max has freed himself and retrieved the dagger.
Cutter seems more than happy to kill both of them, and after Rush’s little hissy fit I can’t wait for him to do so. Unfortunately that stupid dagger saves them and again shoots out some ball of energy that hits Cutter and knocks him into a chair. The chair is then covered in vines that hold Cutter in place. I do not understand pirate magic, at all.
Vink says the last thing Rush must do is to run Cutter through. For those not hip to pirate lingo, that means he has to stab him with the dagger. Dr. Vink apparently hasn’t realized Rush is a giant pussy who would probably have a hard time calling Cutter a mean name, let alone stabbing him. It’s only after Cutter threatens to go after Max again that Rush even raises the dagger, but then he remembers what Ian said and stops. “What he wants is not what he desires.”
Really, this episode has just dissolved into a quivering whiny mess. Turns out Cutter wants to be put to rest so that he can stop guarding the treasure. That was Ian Keegan’s curse, Cutter would have to guard his treasure for all eternity. That was all fine and well back when people were actually seeking the treasure, but since no one is looking for it anymore, Cutter just sits around bored and waiting. Rush breaks the dagger and the room they’re in begins to cave in. Rush and Max escape, leaving Cutter begging them not to leave him alone. How manly.
Ian Keegan again appears, confirming that Rush did the right thing, because of course Rush the fucking idiot isn’t sure. Then Ian disappears, I assume he’s got a role in The Rocky Horror Picture show to get back to.
Back home, which apparently they travel to through the magic of the spyglass, Rush and Max encounter Dr. Vink again. Vink tells them that it’s not treasure that’s important, but the adventure that brought them to it. That sentiment would mean more if it weren’t coming from a guy who we’ve seen try to kill kids because they can’t answer riddles. Sardo shows up and Vink agrees to pay him double what he originally offered. Really, this is the money shot of the episode for big fans of the series.
Max and Rush never tell anyone their story because they don’t want anyone going to look for Cutter’s treasure. Probably because they don’t want anyone to have to deal with the ghost of a whiny pirate who’s just looking for some company.
Well, that was certainly a waste of a two part episode. The highlights?
-Dr. Vink and Sardo together for the only time in the series.
-Charles S. Dutton being amazingly over the top in his portrayal of Jonas Cutter.
That’s about it though. I love the concept of two part episode told by two members of the Midnight Society, but I can’t help but feeling that it could have been done better. The whole thing is supposed to be some grand tale of adventure and it just comes off very flat. The ending was a big let down and one of the cooler villains in series history doesn’t get to do much of anything. It seems like if they cut out the pointless subplot of Rush trying to get laid and the stupid moments with the babysitter, this could have been your standard half hour episode.
As for performances, Cutter was excellent, as was Sardo. Vink came off good as usual, but it was strange to see him not be involved in some sort of villainy as we’ve been accustomed to. The kids aren’t terribly annoying, but neither is very good. The actor who plays Max spends most of the story looking like he has better things to do. Rush on the other hand, becomes phenomenally stupid in the second half of the episode, and he’s incredibly whiny throughout. I bet he doesn’t lose his virginity till one drunken night in college when he sleeps with his roommate’s sister’s unattractive friend.