The countdown continues with #4 on my list of the best Are You Afraid of the Dark? episodes. Here are your links:
Surprise, surprise, we’re in season one again. The episode starts out with Eric being his usual douche self. This time he didn’t wait for Frank and Frank got scared because he didn’t have a flashlight and is afraid of the dark. Well, good thing I reviewed the Dangerous Soup before this one, wouldn’t have wanted to spoil that revelation. Anyways, it’s Eric’s turn to tell a story, making him the only member of The Midnight Society to have all his stories reviewed by me. Granted, there were only two, but it’s an honor nonetheless. He tosses some of the dust that’s always at the bottom of a bag of chips onto the fire and begins. Submitted for the approval of The Midnight Society, he calls this story…
Meet Andy, his mom’s divorced and doesn’t make much money, so he got a paper route to help out. I’m sure they’ll be moving into a mansion any day now.
Huh, actually that sort of does happen. His mom inherits a house from an uncle she never knew, so of course they happily move in. Of course not all their luck is good luck, or else Andy wouldn’t be making this face.
He’s makes that face as he’s about to crash into the neighborhood bully, Koda. He looks like a member of Megadeth cover band and his first words to Andy are “Look kid, mess with me and I’ll deck ya.”
Later that night, Andy’s mom asks him to go down to the basement, and he whines about it, because he’s afraid of the dark. To be fair, it is a creepy basement. There’s a strange wooden door in it, and also a really old radio. Andy is sadly more interested in the radio.
When he turns it on though, the strange wooden door begins to rattle, the louder the music is, the more the door shakes. Eventually the door bursts open, but all Andy sees are a pair of glowing eyes. This is followed by a voice that says “Hello Andy, come on in” Andy instead runs screaming out of the basement. How very rude.
Andy runs and gets his mommy, who investigates while wielding a hockey stick. What does she find when she opens the wooden door? A root cellar, and nothing more.
She laughs at Andy for being scared. Let’s all take a moment to join in. Okay good, back to the story. The next day Andy is on his paper route and he hurls a paper onto Koda’s lawn. Problem being it lands on the steps Koda is scrubbing and knocks the bucket of soap all over him.
Koda of course chases down Andy, who’s managed to lock himself out of his house. With no other options besides take his beating like a man, Andy enters the basement. The only thing scary down there this time however is his sister, who calls him wuss. Well played. Later that night, Andy must again go to the basement to do the laundry. He whines and moans again, but ultimately, down he goes. For some reason he decided to bring a boombox with him, clearly not making the connection between music and evil door. Can’t say I’m surprised. Luckily for him, the door is more than happy to remind him. It opens up and out steps…
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!? Cut your losses, burn the house down! NOW!
The scariest thing I’ve seen today, and perhaps ever, tells him to come and play with it. I assume by play with it means “let me kill you and wear your skin as a suit.” Andy is strangely mesmerized by that thing. Glowing eyes scare you, but this horror show doesn’t even get a reaction? What the fuck is wrong with you Andy?
Thankfully, Andy’s mother turns off the power to the basement and that abomination goes screaming back into the room, slamming the wooden door behind it. Eric pops in to tell us that because of his trance, Andy doesn’t remember anything. Well good for him, because that thing is going to be haunting my fucking nightmares till I die. Of course this mean Andy doesn’t know to stay out of the basement. And so the next day, we’re right back in the basement. With music of course. This time the music turns into creepy circus music and…it turns out the inside of the room is now some sort of creepy carnival.
When Andy gets close however, the carnival barker turns into a skeleton.
And when Andy tries to run, he’s almost sucked into the room, before he knocks the radio over and ends the madness.
Andy finally puts it all together, but for some reason he thinks we’re all as slow as he is, so he stares at the camera and goes “Music…it’s music.” Thanks for catching up, Andy. Andy gets all excited and runs to tell his mom, but instead he runs into Koda.
And Koda punches him in the face! Thank god, for once the annoying kid gets it! Then Koda punches him again! Wonderful! Koda then proceeds to throw Andy’s bike under a passing truck! This is the best two minutes in AYAOTD history.
Andy grows a spine and decides not to take this lying down, and concocts a plan to get back at Koda. You should already have figured out that this plan is going to involve the door to Creepytown in his basement. He tosses a paper at Koda, and then leads him back to his house, where he leaves the basement door open. Sadly our hero Koda is dumb enough to enter. Once he’s locked inside, Andy blasts some speed metal. We never see what happens to Koda, but given that the door looks like this before it opens, I’m guessing it’s not good.
Andy goes down to the basement, but instead of finding Koda, he finds a brand new bike. Perplexed, Andy turns on some music and the door opens again. A voice from inside tells him that it will give Andy anything he wants, just like it did his uncle. All it asks for in return is that he feeds it. Right after it says that, Andy’s annoying sister yells from upstairs about how he needs to make her dinner. What’s Andy do? Well it’s never revealed, but take a look at him and guess.
Do I really have to explain why this episode is in my top 5? It’s got a murder in it! It ends with an insinuated second murder! (Eric tells us he doesn’t do anything to his sister) This is by far the most off the wall, out there episode of AYAOTD I’ve come across. And I adore it. Except for that horrible giant doll thing. But even that isn’t so bad when I realize that I have absolutely no idea why it’s even in the episode, it just adds to the sheer insanity of it all. It’s also one of the rare times when we get to see the annoying kid get fucking punched in the face, and we get to see it happen twice. It’s a shame Koda died before he could punch Andy again. I hope his spirit lives on within Andy’s new bike and he directs him in front of oncoming traffic.