Oh yeah, we’re going there. Now, I try to stay away from covering really popular viral videos, because I’m usually one of the last people to hear about them, so they’ve already been covered extensively. However, today I will make a special exception. If you have never heard this song before, I advise that you don’t click the following link, so that you may live out your days having never been soiled by this abomination.
We begin with Ms. Black oooo’ing in animated form on her day planner. Just in case you don’t know the days of the week, here’s a reminder.
If you hadn’t caught on by now, this song and video are set on Friday. How’s Rebecca start her Fridays? I’ll just let her tell you in her own words.
“7am, waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal”
Totally relatable, that’s how I start my day too, until next week when I’m unemployed. Oh sorry, bitterness is seeping in. Where was I? Oh yeah, every morning I also gotta have my bowl and my cereal. Actually, I just gotta have my Pops.
But the time for food has passed, apparently school is starting soon, so she’s gotta get down to the bus stop. Why? Cause she’s gotta catch her bus. Hey, she felt it needed to be mentioned, so I’m just passing it along.
But lo and behold, it’s not a bus that comes, it’s her friends!
Why thirteen year olds are driving, I’m not quite sure, but that’s hardly the most pressing issue at hand. No, you see her friends are sitting in the front seat, and also sitting in the back seat, now it’s time for Rebecca to make her mind up, which seat is she going to take?
And she takes the backseat, possibly because there is clearly no middle seat in the front of that car. Was she deciding between the backseat and sitting on the center console? Hmm yes, a tough choice, that one. And here comes the chorus, where those of you who haven’t heard this song before will really start hating me. Why?
BECAUSE IT’S FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY
EVERYBODY’S LOOKING FORWARD TO THE WEEEKEND!
FRIDAY FRIDAY GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIIIIDAY!
I apologize profusely to all of you, but we must press on. Right so, we’ve established that it’s Friday, now what will we be doing? Ms. Black is more than happy to answer.
“Partyin’, partyin’ YEAH!
Partyin’, partyin’ YEAH!
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend”
Hooray, thirteen year old parties. Are we exchanging sillybands and iCarly? Or are we really going to get crazy and pass around a bottle of Smirnoff Ice? How completely out of touch with youth culture am I seeming that this point?
Alright, it’s about time I break out my theory on Rebecca Black and this god-awful song. I have come to the conclusion that if you were to sell your soul to the devil, in exchange for becoming a pop star, this is the kind of songs you’d become famous for. It’s one of those ironic punishments Satan is so famous for. Of course since Rebecca Black is only thirteen, I think it’s logical to assume her parents were the ones signing the deal with the devil. Now they can proudly gloat about how famous their daughter is, but surely they’ll stop the conversation before it gets into specifics. If listening to it at regular speed wasn’t enough to confirm my theory for you, here’s a clip of the song slowed down, you can clearly hear the tortured cries of the damned.
Alright the bad news is we’re only half way through the song. The good news is that you’ve already heard 90% of what’s left, so there isn’t that much left to cover. Moving right along, Rebecca, or whichever resident of hell wrote this song, skips over the school portion of the day and fast forwards right to 7:45.
What are we doing at 7:45? I’ll let Rebecca explain.
“we’re drivin’ on the highway
Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right
I got this, you got this
Now you know it”
O_O…Well that certainly clears it up, thanks. It appears as though they’re just driving around. This of course isn’t without it’s drama though, as Rebecca again must make the crucial decision of where to sit. She’s got friends kickin’ in the front seat, but there are also some sittin’ in the backseat. What’s she pick this time?
Godamnit! That’s not even a seat! Fuck it, just go back to the chorus. Friday Friday, weekend, party, fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun…you get it.
Next up, we get our second lesson in the days of the week, while animated Rebecca attempts to induce epileptic seizures on people. Did you know yesterday was Thursday? You’ll also be surprised to learn that tomorrow is Saturday, and Sunday comes afterwards. Excuse me, I mean it comes “afterwaaaruhduhs”
How about another chorus? No, wait I’ve got a better idea. How about a random middle aged looking rapper?
I’ve got no idea who that is, and I’m not nearly invested enough in this review to go look him up. Let’s all just assume he’s a member of the Flip Mode Squad. I also have no idea why he’s in the song at all, he says something about seeing a school bus and switching lanes. He’s probably just rapping about that time he passed a school bus that had its stop sign out. Rappers do like to brag about their past crimes. This fella is hard, yo.
Let’s wrap this up, because I’ve got better things to do. Why’s that? Because…
IT’S FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY
KILL ME KILL ME, I’D RATHER BE DEAD THAN HEAR THIS SONG
It’s painful, It’s painful YEAH!
It’s painful, It’s painful YEAH!
This review is no longer fun fun fun fun…fun…fun…
Make room in the top 5 worst songs of all time category, because we’ve got ourselves a serious contender here. Yes, at just thirteen years of age, this young upstart Rebecca Black is making a strong push to be worst…song…ever!
Ugh…someone should be arrested for releasing this thing. That amount of auto tuning cannot be legal. I thank my lucky stars that the awful radio station I’m forced to listen to at work, the one that’s provided all the songs on Music I Hate Vol.1 and 2, never plays this song. That is a testament to how awful it is. Then again, today is the first Friday I’ve worked since it’s become popular…