Guess Who? was one of the classic board games of my youth, as touched upon in my Board Game Round Up article, and today I am happy to share with you the secrets of how to win impressively at the game. For those of you who are unaware, the object of Guess Who is to deduce which character card your opponent has drawn, elliminating characters as you go. This is done by asking yes or no questions about the identity of the character. Just to be clear, you ask your opponent the questions, not the card, because the game cards do not actually talk.
The game generally ends up consisting of players going back and forth asking questions like “Does your person have brown hair?” Or “Are they wearing a hat?” That’s all fine and well if you want to win through the talentless and unimpressive process of elimination, but that’s just not my style. I much prefer to swing for the fences and ask intensely character specific questions. Sure, you may strike out a few times, but when you connect it’s a game ending home run. There are 24 characters in Guess Who, and I’ve got a couple of questions for each one that will quickly identify them and lead you to an impressive victory. Here are the first 12.
1. Does your character always play the role of Abraham Lincoln in civil war reenactments?
2. Can your character’s hair and facial hair be rearranged with the use of a magnet?
1. Is your character the guy a bank will send you to when they’re denying your loan request, but want to break the news to you gently?
2. Has your character been involved in a Catholic church molestation scandal?
1. Is your character the only ginger in the world who is rocking a high top fade?
2. Does your character look like Archie’s effeminate older brother?
1. Was your character renamed because calling him “Mario” would have resulted in a copy write infringement lawsuit?
2. Is your character’s nose roughly the same size as Volkswagen Beetle?
1. Does your character look like a man who’s embarrassed because someone he knows saw him coming out of an adult bookstore?
2. Does your character look like a businessman who’s ready to drink himself to death after his stocks went to shit?
1. Is your character the human version of Lew Zealand, that Muppet that liked to throw fish?
2. Did your character spend his teenage years in Bangkok, shacked up with American businessmen there on vacation?
1. If it were 1955, does your character look like he’d be found dispensing sage wisdom to teenagers at the corner drugstore?
2. Is your character secretly Orville Redenbacher?
1. Is your character still struggling to achieve his dream of becoming a successful folk singer?
2. Does your character live in Utah with his six wives?
1. Is your character a black woman?
2. You know, the only black woman in the game?
1. Does your character spend his time raising barns and being worried that cameras will steal his soul?
2. Does your character look like he should be featured on Brawny paper towels, despite the fact that his beard for some reason runs behind his ears?
1. Does your character look like he hosts a poorly rated late night entertainment news show?
2. Does your character have lips so big they can be seen from space?
1. Is your character a rich oil baron from Texas who’s limousine has steer horns on the hood?
2. Does your character travel around with six-shooters and hunt illegal immigrants for sport?