So I’ve been neglecting my articles lately, do forgive me. As a way to make it up to you, my beloved readers, I’ll give you a say in determining what my next one is about. I figure you all deserve something lengthy, so I’ll throw out a movie review, much like I did for The Wizard, but possibly as in depth as I went for Deadfall. Haven’t really decided yet. Anyways, the choices are as follows, links to trailers included.
1. Prime Evil http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2yefvojfWA
A low budget horror film from 1988, about a sect of monks that achieve immortality through human sacrifice. Its too obscure to even get a wikipedia entry, and it comes from a collection of shitty horror movies I bought at Wal-Mart for $5. With Prime Evil, you’ll get atrocious acting, cheesy low budget effects and hilarious 80’s attire.
2. Killer Klownz From Outer Space http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHXy8DpF5k0
If you’ve never heard of it, the title is pretty spot on. A film featuring murderous alien clowns that now has a sizeable cult following and apparently might be getting a sequel soon. True story: My friend in elementary school was terrified of this film, so I bought him a copy, which he promptly buried in his back yard. We’re not friends anymore. With Killer Klownz From Outer Space, you’ll get more atrocious acting, more cheesy low budget effects and probably several screen captures with captions that involve the saying “AHH! Kill it with fire!”
3. The Wicker Man http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44Bcp5mdXls
terrible awesome awesomely terrible remake of the 1973 classic. This version stars Nicolas Cage, which gives it a tremendously unfair advantage over the other two films. You’re going to make me watch it again, I just know it. With The Wicker Man, you’ll get Nicolas Cage, Nicolas Cage beating up Leelee Sobieski and Nicolas Cage punching a woman while wearing a bear suit.
Please at least watch all three trailers before making what seems to be a very obvious decision.